“Noo! I’m gonna be late for school!” the words slipped out of my mouth as my heart couldn’t contain it. This is my third time this year and it isn’t even February yet. Being late for the third time meant detention after school. You see, me and detention don’t get along well. I sank into a pool of desperation as I watch the bus skid away. It would take a 20 minute walk to reach school and I’ve only got 12. A sudden memory struck into my mind. ‘James’ bike!’ my mind yelled and I leapt towards the backyard. James’ bicycle laid there peacefully, undisturbed in the small bike shed, glimmering in the sunshine that peeked through the holes of the roof. I pumped air into the dusty tyres. When I was finished, I took a glance at my watch. Immediately, a feeling prompted me to take a second glance. OH NO! 7 minutes left! WHAT?
‘This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!’ I felt my mind shouting. I skidded through the neighbourhood towards the entrance of the school. The wheels of James’ bike slid in through the narrow entrance the gate allowed. Just then, the bell rang. ‘Perfect!’ I thought happily to myself. I vowed to never watch another episode of ‘My Bittersweet Life’ at midnight but to catch the earlier cast. After I hooked the bike up at a pole in the bicycle shed, I ran off to join the rest of my fellow fighters in the assembly. ‘Fellow fighters?’ you ask. We fight hard to conquer the horrible hours of school!
Into the third week of my fifth year of secondary school, things aren’t looking too shabby. I have a lot of friends on my hand and great results on the other. I’m not doing too bad athletically and I’m also doing quite well in my part-time job. “Oof!” my breath flushed out my mouth as I knocked into something turgid. The books in my hand fell down the stairs. The tall boy looked at me in the eyes and left without saying a word. I was left stunt as this is the first time I’ve encountered someone so rude. James Tan was his name, an unfortunate coincidence to have the same name as my loving brother. I have never talked to him before, yet alone faced him. This boy was the heartbreak of many girls in my school. I’ve heard many rumours about him. It didn’t conclude that he was a bad guy, just that he has broken many girl’s heart. I wouldn’t like to judge him by what I’ve heard but an apology would’ve been nice.
“Here you go” a kind voice spoke while handing me my fallen books. Terrence! He’s like my buddy and best friend. He’s ever so kind and wonderful in all ways. Good looking, tall, smart, kind, athletic and humorous. He has fair skin but you could see that he has been under the sun. I wonder why he’s still single! If I knew who he admired, I’d definitely lend a hand. “Thanks Terr! You know who I just bumped into? That James guy, whom every girl’s crazy after” I went on to speak. “Really? Oh! I can see it in your eyes already! I see his reflection!” he said with a chuckle.
“I’m not every girl!”
“I know. I know. Take it easy.”
“What are you smiling at? Go back to class!” I pushed him away with a minor smile on my face. He sure knows how to cheer me up.
‘Hmm. Lunch was good. I should tell Terr about the new food in the canteen.’ I whispered in my head while walking to the library to revision what I’ve just learnt that day since I have a bike I could ride home with now. ‘Bang! Bang! Bruuk!’ I jumped! What were those sounds? It stopped. I was near the library already but my curious mind led me to search for the source of the sound. I went a floor higher. I peered through the classrooms on the left but couldn’t spot a thing. I was about to set foot into the front door of the first classroom on the right after going one round of the classrooms when I heard someone sobbing. A deep tone. ‘A boy?’ I thought. Why would a guy be crying in midday? In a school! I slowly peeked into the classroom. A table had fallen to the floor. The rest were all in a messy arrangement.
There I saw a boy’s left leg sticking out under the teacher’s table. The hem of his green pants had been bleached and torn. The sobbing became clearer as I went nearer. I squat beside the table and pulled a packet of tissue out of my pocket and offered it to the boy. “Are you okay?” I asked without looking at him. He simply yelled “Go away! Leave me alone!” I left the packet of tissue at his foot and went away. I went to the library as planned initially and told Terrence everything that happened. Terr and I are both librarians and he was on duty today. Both of us felt sympathy for the boy. He must be really devastated to cry in school, where it’s easy for people to discover him. Fortunately, the afternoon session students are not assigned to the classes above the library.
I suggested to mom that I ride to school from now on and she had no objections as she knew my routine of not being able to wake up on time. I have that difficulty everyday and almost without fail every morning, barely made it to the bus. The thought of yesterday’s mysterious boy incident still lingered in my head. I wish I could help him. I looked around the assembly. There were so few people. It must be because today is the last day before the Chinese New Year holidays. There were only about 10 people as the average of each class and there were 12 classes altogether. My class and C class were to be combined for a day. I wish it were Terrence’s class. I sat in my seat wondering how I should spend my day as the teachers seemed to have no plans on teaching only 15 people in class. A boy walked into class and stood in front of my desk.
“Sorry bout the other day. I was in a hurry” he said.
“I-It’s okay”
His eyes widened a little for a second at the sound of my voice.
“I’m James. You are?” he offered his right hand.
“Iryn. Iryn Lee.” I shook his hand.
“Can I sit next to you?”
“Sure.”
We introduced ourselves with all the simple information about each other. Then, he suddenly came out with a joke and then we started conversing with sarcasm. It was really easy to get along with him. I guess he’s not so bad after all. I got the apology I wanted anyway. That evening I have library duty. Terrence would stay back after school just to keep me company in the library like how I did him. It’s not that we didn’t have friends in the library. It’s just… we’ve got so much to tell each other! I told him about James and Terr said he would like to meet him too! Terr is super friendly, right?
I’ve known Terr for 5 years now. This is the fifth year. We do fight at certain times, especially when we were 14 and 15. Looking back, it makes me laugh. I sent him a message telling him how boring the journey to Penang is. It’s Saturday and it’s the holidays so I’m going to visit my hometown in Penang. Terr is also on his way to his hometown, Johor. It’s like total different directions. Once we arrived at my aunt’s house, I went into the third guest room, dropped my belongings on the floor and plopped on the soft bed. I didn’t wake up till the sun had set. Aunty and her husband took us out for dinner to enjoy Gurney drive’s night view. I absolutely love the cheese roll there.
The next morning, I woke up early to inhale some fresh air in garden my aunt had planted. I took a walk around the house and then stopped at the black luxurious gate. I stretched for a bit before hearing someone call my name. “Iryn?” a familiar voice asked. James! He stopped in front of the black gate with a leash in his hand. His dog is so adorable!
“Hi James! What are you doing here?” I asked in excitement.
“Visiting. You?”
“Same.”
“Wow. You have a rich relative.” He looked at the house in awe.
Our conversation continued and we ended up switching contact numbers with each other. He said he brought his girlfriend along with him and would show her to me one day. We texted each other every day since then. I still text Terrence of course and told him everything like I normally do.
The holidays only lasted a week. I was back last Saturday as yesterday I had to attend church. Terr goes to a different church. This week, everything went superbly well for me. I guess making new friends really brightens me up. However, by Thursday, James started to ignore my messages and he didn’t even initiate a conversation like how he normally does. Why?? Terr said maybe he’s going through a hard time.
Today is the 6th of February. Terr has been looking nervous these few days. James started talking a little bit more again. I flicked my pen as I talked to James who sat next to me during recess. He noticed it and taught me some pen tricks I never knew. ‘Klik’ the pen fell to the ground. I bent to pick it up. My eyes widened as I noticed the hem on James’ pant’s left side was torn and bleached. “Are you okay?” I asked him.
“Yeah. What do you mean?”
“I-I.. You were..”
“What?”
“You were the boy under the table. I was the one who gave you a packet … “
“I know.”
“When?” I replied confused as I’ve just found out.
“When I apologized to you, I recognized your voice.”
“So… Are you okay?”
He hesitated at first but then told me everything afterwards. He had some issues with his father. He said he could never please his father, that he was never satisfied. That day, on James’ birthday, the day that he cried under the table was after his father had left a note at his bed saying that he was sorry. James couldn’t hold his feelings that he raced himself to school so that his younger brothers could not see him cry. He felt resentful yet grateful towards his father. He had always confided in other girl’s presence to feel loved, the love his father could not give but he could not find it. Though, he also mentioned that he was serious in his relationship with his current girlfriend. After school, me and Terrence walked him to the front gate and watched him go. I told Terr about his story which James allowed me to, knowing that he was my best friend.
The week went by with me and Terr encouraging James and helping him forgive his father. On February the 14th, Valentine’s Day, I went to my seat and noticed two gifts on my chair, hidden from everyone’s view. One was from Terr and one was from James! I didn’t see them the whole day. After school, I went home on my bike and pondered long on the incident. I opened the front door to my house and found James on the couch! My brother had come back to Malaysia! I hugged him and told his the dilemma I was in.
“Terr had always given me presents for Valentine’s Day but a new friend had also bought me something. What do I do?”
He looked at the gifts and said “Why don’t you open them first?”
“But I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“What if he confesses to me?”
“Then you have to ask yourself, ‘do you like him?’”
I wondered upon those words. I know that I’m 17 already and I act quite childish at times but when it comes to love and feelings for a guy, I’m just too afraid to face it.
I silently went up to my room and stared at the presents. I finally carefully opened the nicely wrapped gift that I received from James. It was a bracelet. He wrote a note asking me to be his girlfriend. My heart skipped a beat. ‘What about his current girlfriend?’ I thought. I texted him to ask all the questions I had on my head. He simply cleared that he was now single and wanted to be with me. I didn’t know what to do and turned off my phone. I stayed in bed all night with my eyes open, wondering what was going to happen.
The next day, I rode to school and tried to avoid James. Unfortunately for me, he came into my class during recess.
“So, what’s your answer?”
“What?”
“You know what I mean”
“Maybe…”
“Yes or no?”
I looked at him reluctantly and hesitated for a period of time before looking up at him to reply…
“Yes.”
I didn’t know why I had said yes but maybe it’s because I’ve never been asked this question before and never been in a relationship before that I’m pretty curious about all this. I told Terr what had happened and he said he was happy for me. I noticed he’d gotten himself a new watch. Since the reply, James and I spent much more time together. We fought a lot too. It was hard to keep him happy. I don’t understand him but I’ve grown adapted to him and my feelings grew each day. Despite his nuisance attitude, I also discovered many new, interesting and nice things about him.
One day, he invited me to a reunion. He and his primary schoolmates had planned a reunion at his house. He bought me a dress. I felt delighted. I felt like he cared for me to even want to buy me something personal. The party went on well. He was so proud to tell everyone that I was his girl. I went home elated that night. We had only been together for 2 weeks.
Terr hadn’t been looking too happy when he sees me and James together. It’s rare of him to act this way. He couldn’t be jealous that I’m spending more time with James right? I feel sad when he looks like that.
On the 29th of February, James asked me to come to the back of the school to tell me something important. I wonder what. My heart kept beating rapidly as I walked towards the venue. I was afraid of what would happen. Thoughts kept pouring into my head. We haven’t been quarreling so why the weird meeting? His voice broke my train of thoughts.
“I’m sorry Iryn” he said and suddenly clear water seemed to flow down his eyes.
“What? What are you sorry about?” I said, shivering.
“I-I’m sorry for lying to you. I hadn’t had… feelings for you.”
My eyes felt wet.
“ I just needed someone to replace my previous girlfriend for the reunion. I’m sorry. I had been bragging to my friends that I had a girlfriend and that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. But just after the holidays, she dumped me. She dumped me for a richer guy! I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want my old friends to look down at me.”
“So you took me as a second choice?! To cover up your cowardice?! That YOU were second in her eyes! And I thought you really cared!”
I ran off with my hands over my face. I hid myself in the washroom till I felt sure that everyone had left school. Then I just rode home and sobbed in my pillow. I really felt loved and cared for him. What was that feeling then? I thought I found love!
‘Beep Beep’ my phone echoed, telling me I had received a message. ‘You’ve got voicemail’ said the blank screen. I plan to listen to all the voicemails and read all the messages. There is 1 voicemail and 2 messages from James. ‘Hmm..’ I thought. ‘Sorry’ was all over the place. Then I moved on to the rest. 5 voicemails and 21 messages from Terrence?! I was shocked. I hurriedly replied him after opening all of them. The rest of the messages didn’t even matter at that time.
“Hi. Is this Terrence?”
“Ryn?! Is that you?! You haven’t been to school for a week! I’m gonna beat you up once you come back to school! You made me worried sick!”
I started crying.
“R-Really? Then you gotta get through my kung fu first”
“I-I’m just joking. Don’t cry. I’ll come over right away. Don’t move!”
And he hung up.
Terr came over and I told him what had happened from head to tail. He encouraged me to be strong and even brought me a gift. He brought my favourite brand of chocolate ice cream over and we ate and talked over it. He said that James was really upset in school too and kept asking him to ask me to forgive him, that we’d be friends again. I switched the subject to Terr and he told me about everything I had been missing out in school and in his life.
The following week, I went back to school. Terr rode with me from my house to school and walked with me and helped me through those days. On Wednesday, I brought the dress James gave me to school and asked him to meet me at the back of school this time. Terr came along too. I threw the dress at him.
“You can take this back!”
“Iryn..”
“With that said, I forgive you.” I said, still frowning.
“That’s a good start” Terr smiled and clapped his hands together. Then he put his arms around both of us.
“Let’s go to the library.”
“Thanks.” James said, looking relieved.
I guess we’re okay now. Forgiving him felt better than being mad at him. Our relationship got better after the months. Now, James no longer has a heartbreaker’s reputation. He’s also currently single. I can’t believe that it’s already June now.
At home, on a breezy June evening, I was tidying my desk a little. ‘Klik’ a pen dropped. ‘Careless you’ I rolled my eyes and laughed at my silliness. I looked under the bed for the pen but found something else besides the pen. A gift. I took it up and wiped the dust off of it. It was the gift Terr gave me on Valentine’s Day! I opened it meticulously. In it was a note that read
‘Hi Ryn. I know that I’ve sent you gifts in the past but… this is different. I want to tell you something. Please meet me in the library tomorrow after school.’
My mind went blank. I hadn’t met him that day. What was he going to tell me? I took the gift out of the box and stared in amazement. I wanted to cry because he had given me what I always wanted. A watch. Not just any watch, but a watch that had my name inscribed on it. It looks the same as the new watch Terr had at the beginning of the year. I thought about this all night and realized something. I had fallen for Terr since we were 15. He was the boy of my dreams and I had always avoided that fact because I never felt like I deserved him. Now what?
I went to school on Monday, wearing the watch I’ve just discovered. After school, in the library where we made an appointment to study together, Terr saw it.
“New watch I see.”
“It’s from you.”
“I know.” He said, smiling.
“What did you wanted to tell me?”
“I like you.”
That caught me off guard. He was so direct. I went blank. My heart beat faster and my breathing rate seemed to increase with every passing second. Then, I calmed myself down.
“Actually… Me too” I said and turned away, feeling my face flush.
He took my hands and said.
“Even though I am your second option, I don’t mind. Just be mine.”
“You’re not my second option, you’re my first. James was second… because I’ve liked you since we were 15.”
“Then I’ve liked you longer.”
“Since when?”
“I’m not telling you.”
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