Exponential.

It was as I read,

Isaiah in NIV,

Although I was prepared,

But it wasn't required of me,

Then she spoke the same,

Though it never was,

Her intention for that translation;

Felt like You were behind it.

It was as we rehearsed,

Nobody else knew,

When he said it on stage,

Then we knew it true;

Felt like You were confirming.

It was as I wished,

Though I came for You,

Yet the timing was perfect,

When he ran past through;

Felt like You had planned it.

I have failed a million times,

In the span of just the past month,

Yet at those times when I should have felt guilty,

I didn't;

And I felt guilty for that,

But this is no good reason.

I feel so small,

Unready for this all,

I feel unprepared,

Is this my learning curve growing tall?

I am so lost,

Not where I want to be,

But I know these are necessary,

Preparing me before my dreams.

I am so weak,

Lacking in so many strengths,

Disappearing into my hands,

Yet always present with them.

I am a fool,

Yet leading a group,

I feel the burden,

Cause for them I only want good,

I talk too much,

The words I say like air,

And embarrassment reddens my cheeks,

Bringing me to a flare.

I think too much,

None of these will last,

I'll grow and then surpass,

My current state.

In the midst of these falls,

Are You showing me,

That I still hear You right,

Even when it all feels wrong?

Feels like You are watching me grow;

I know that You are here.

I hope whatever foolishness they see in me will somehow lead them to You,

I hope whatever good thing they see in me will bring them closer to You.

For now,

This growth,

Is too quick,

For comfort,

Exponential,

I feel,

Unsober,

Even for just this while;

I hope soon,

The bad parts would be over;

I hope to pass the test,

In whatever,

In this season,

I am supposedly to learn.