Dip.

I guess all these years,

The lesson was to learn,

How to balance love,

For others and my esteem;

Somehow I've always,

Subconsciously avoided it,

Or even when I tried,

One knocked off the other.

Ironically, they're not even mutually exclusive.

Now I can see, I hope I do see,

I can be confident,

Yet put others first.

I've tasted both extremes,

One to my physical detriment,

And one to social deteriotation;

Will I only now learn?

I hope it's not too late,

Even if I am slower than my peers;

With a facade of wisdom,

I've been immature.

One of my regrets,

When I now look back,

Was fizzling out of the first aid crew,

Not informing someone of my absence due.

These now seen,

Through lens of what I'm going through,

I've made such childish mistakes,

Sometimes I wonder if I've grown any bit;

But I've got to learn and move on,

'Cause the last time I beat myself up,

It was like a dip in a roller coaster,

Just making progress slower.